I saw another thought leader share that you can forgive a person and then also ban that person from your life.
As a person who has used this method, and had it used toward me, I found it to be only halfway there in terms of forgiveness.
“I forgive you but I never want to talk to you again” is not true forgiveness.
This statement actually says: I am a good person who was wronged by what you did. What happened had nothing to do with me. It was all your fault and you are a bad person. Because I am a good person I will forgive you for being a bad person. But I will never talk to you again so you never forget you are bad.
This thinking locks the forgiver into the position of righteous victim and the forgiven into perpetual evil doer that needs to pay for crimes.
Guess what? The one you condemn usually sees you as THEIR perpetrator.
What’s more true is that everyone involved is intended to learn a lesson through the situation.
When we see a situation through the eyes of soul, we can own the lesson we are meant to learn. And then be grateful for the players in the situation that brought us the conditions for learning the lesson.
When we see others as soul partners instead of perpetrators, it softens judgement and gives room for people to evolve.
Gratitude and sovereignty are the missing necessary ingredients for that evolution.
In order to arrive at gratitude and sovereignty, you must see the situation from soul level, realize there are multiple perspectives about it, admit you have also done similarly horrible things (in this life or others), own your soul’s part in creating the situation for your evolution, claim the wisdom from the wounds, and find at least one takeaway from it that helps you be in service to others.
In other words, when you do the shadow work to realize why the situation happened FOR you, THROUGH you…you can arrive at gratitude for how it helped you claim more inner power, compassion, and wisdom.
You may choose not to have the person as a close friend, but you’re coming from an entirely different place because you no longer think the person did anything wrong. They were just fulfilling part of a soul contract to have an experience by which you both learned in an embodied way. Perhaps that contract is complete and you neutrally walk away with a Namaste and thank you .
Teachings are only theoretical until you put them into practice experientially in your life and have to feel everything to arrive at the resolution of the karma.
This embodied teaching requires us to not take it personally which can be extremely difficult. The more “unforgivable” the mistake, the more challenging it is to make it to true forgiveness without bypassing your human experience.
If you’ve got a challenge like that, I see you as the old soul that would have accepted such a challenge.
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