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Endings and Beginnings

My son is leaving for college for good today. I helped him pack my car to bring his things to his father who will drive him out there and help him get settled into his new apartment for the next three years. I know I’ll get a chance to see the new place. I know I’ll see my son. But today, for me, is really the end.

It’s the end of a 30 year journey that began with an adventurous 22 year old woman who moved from New England to San Francisco knowing no one. Within a month I met the father of my children and a 30 year story unfolded that birthed two boys into the world. 23 years as a mother ostensibly ends today. My boys don’t need me that way anymore.

While other families joyfully go through this transition together, I am experiencing something quite different. I am experiencing what happens when people can’t forgive.

My son has learned so much from the shadows of his family. He is well equipped for life. He has discernment, compassion, wisdom, mediation skills, gentleness, kindness, and good boundaries.

It wasn’t the childhood I wanted for him.
It was the childhood he was given by the Great Mother. Who am I to judge?

He must need these lessons for the world he is entering.

Now it’s time for acceptance.

I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time. And I always kept learning and growing to do better.

That’s the most that can be expected of any person.

Including a mother.

Today is my ending of so many life lessons.

And today is my son’s beginning to see what he will make of all that Life delivers to his door.

I pray he holds himself with grace through his mistakes.

I pray he hold others with grace through their mistakes.

I pray he keep his heart open to the adventure of Life no matter what.

I pray he follow the dream in his heart more than the voice in his head.

I pray he leave the world better than he found it.

More than a prayer, I know in my heart that he will do all of this and more. I’ve watched him grow through vicious terrain and come out the other side with Love.