Motherhood teaches you the art of the giveaway. You give all your heart, you help when asked, without the promise of anything in return. You give because your heart calls you forth to give. You hold space for another human because you must. And in the process of mothering, you find all the places within where you have expectations and strings on that giving. Where you feel appreciated or not appreciated, respected or not respected, loved or not loved. Where you are giving, or over-giving, because you want allegiance from your children.
We are called to give to another human being what we often have not received—what we are still cultivating within ourselves. We may be called to give freely of our love and compassion without fixing anything, and then generously hold steady while our children do the inner work of becoming response-able. We may be called to hold our hearts open with non-judgment, not taking anything personally as our children face their own demons and project their shadows onto us as the ones to blame for their lives not going the way they want. This is tremendous inner work to hold this kind of space…it’s the job that is not paid with money. If it was, mothers would be billionaires.
Being a healer and mentor are similar pathways to learning the giveaway, except you can walk away. You can determine the reciprocity up front that you require in order to feel good about your giving. You can set the terms of your giving. You can change your mind and end the relationship.
A mother is biologically tied to her children. They cross her mind every day of her life.
When a mother can’t give freely, when the child feels the weight of the mothers expectation to receive something in return, or when it’s clear the mother feels burdened by the requirements of mothering, the seed of guilt forms. What a mother has given can never be repaid. That’s why all of what we give as mothers needs to be delivered with a pure inspired heart…the clean clear giveaway.
Because we are human beings, the giveaway can be hard to master. So we do the best we can, with the tools we have, at the time to give freely from our hearts what we can give without regret when our children need us.
We have to be honest about what we can give.
We have to be honest about where we are on the journey of mastering the giveaway.
Motherhood is a masters path. You don’t master it in a single lifetime. So have some grace for yourself if you’re a mother.
And if you’re still blaming your mother for your life, it’s time to accept that you chose her and agreed to come into existence through her. Your soul is wise. It’s no mistake. So what lessons are you learning from your mother?